To Quote...
by Trilobite
Summary: When Gloria finds funny quotes on the internet, how crazy will the angels get?


Gloria: *walks into the room* Hey guys, look what I found on the Internet. They're funny quotes.  
  
Celeste: Let's hear them.  
  
My clone did it!  
  
Monica: Well, she did.  
  
Adam: In your case, yes, she did.  
  
I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.  
  
Andrew: *heads toward kitchen*  
  
Tess: Where are you going?  
  
Andrew: The voices told me to eat.  
  
If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?  
  
Sam: I'm not going to go there.  
  
Rafael: I agree.  
  
What's another word for Thesaurus?  
  
Celeste: Dictionary?  
  
All: *sigh*  
  
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?  
  
Monica: Purple!  
  
Andrew: Rainbow!  
  
Rafael: Rainbow?  
  
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.  
  
Tess: *concentrates* Nope, I don't believe in it.  
  
Sam: *raises hand* Yes you do!  
  
All: *laugh*  
  
What part of my brilliance don't you understand?  
  
Rafael: Yeah!  
  
All: None!  
  
I have PMS and a gun, did you say something?  
  
*guys inch away from the girls*  
  
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?  
  
Adam: 53.02557823…  
  
Monica: Adam!  
  
Adam: What?  
  
Monica: *shakes head*  
  
When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?  
  
Tess: Yes!  
  
Celeste: No!  
  
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.  
  
Andrew: Yep!  
  
All: *stare*  
  
Write your questions down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me.  
  
Monica: *holds out hands* Well?  
  
All: *snicker*  
  
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.  
  
Celeste: Good idea.  
  
Adam: Can we try it?  
  
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a t-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.  
  
Sam: True.  
  
Andrew: People always have bigger problems.  
  
Out of my mind, be back in 5 minutes.  
  
Tess: You know Gloria…  
  
Gloria: Don't even go there.  
  
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?!  
  
Rafael: I did! Me!  
  
Monica: Okay…  
  
4 out of 5 voices say call in sick.  
  
Celeste: *picks up phone*  
  
Sam: *laughs*  
  
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.  
  
Gloria: Ouch!  
  
I bet you I could stop gambling.  
  
Tess: Well, I could.  
  
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.  
  
Monica: That, I do.  
  
Rafael: We know.  
  
Monica: Hey!  
  
…The answer is…uh, what was the question?  
  
Adam: That's me.  
  
Celeste: Yep!  
  
Do not disturb. I am already quite disturbed, thank you.  
  
Andrew: Monica…  
  
Monica: Be quiet, Andrew!  
  
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully?"  
  
Sam: Huh?  
  
Gloria: *points at Sam* Proof.  
  
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?  
  
Tess: Human!  
  
All: *sigh*  
  
Karaoke is Japanese for tone deaf.  
  
All: *points at Monica*  
  
Monica: Hey!  
  
Not now, I'm too busy having an argument with my rice crispies.  
  
Adam: I think I did that once.  
  
Monica: Doesn't surprise me.  
  
Celeste: Me neither.  
  
Adam: *pouts*  
  
You know, I'm naked under these clothes.  
  
Men: *look at the women*  
  
Women: *inch away from men*  
  
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?  
  
Tess: Yes.  
  
Sam: No.  
  
Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.  
  
Gloria: Yep.  
  
How can I miss you if you don't go away?  
  
All: *exchange glances*  
  
There are three kinds of people; those who can count, and those who can't.  
  
Andrew: But that makes four.  
  
Monica: Oh brother!  
  
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?  
  
Celeste: Possibly.  
  
Adam: Yes, there is no meat in it.  
  
Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling?  
  
Sam: Missing?  
  
Tess: Exactly.  
  
I'm sorry, do I look like I was listening?  
  
Rafael: Did you say something?  
  
Adam: Huh?  
  
Did you know I'm invisible? Only when no one's around though.  
  
Andrew: Am I invisible?  
  
Celeste: No.  
  
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?  
  
All: *look at Celeste*  
  
Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.  
  
All: *looks at Andrew and Adam*  
  
Adam and Andrew: What?  
  
Normal people worry me.  
  
Tess: Don't worry, none of us are normal.  
  
Gloria: Including you?  
  
Tess: …  
  
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?  
  
Rafael: They land on their side.  
  
Celeste: Ugh!  
  
Insanity is just anger put to good use!  
  
All: Yes!  
  
I'm 98% beautiful and 2% crazy…or is it the other way around?  
  
Women: 98% beautiful!  
  
Men: Other way around!  
  
It's not easy being me…but it sure is funny watching people try.  
  
Andrew: Like Monica's clone.  
  
Monica: *throws hands in air*  
  
Scientists say one out of every four people is crazy. Check three friends, if they're okay, you're it.  
  
Gloria: *looks at Andrew, Adam, and Monica* I'm fine.  
  
Andrew, Adam, and Monica: Hey!  
  
Stop looking at me that way…you're scaring me!  
  
Celeste: Oh yeah!  
  
All: Hey! *glares at Celeste*  
  
Help! I've started talking and I can't stop!  
  
All: *stares at Adam*  
  
Adam: You know…  
  
Monica: See?  
  
Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh.  
  
Gloria: *looks at Sam*  
  
Sam: Not one word, Gloria.  
  
In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.  
  
Monica: Nope.  
  
Tess: None.  
  
Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.  
  
Rafael: Yes they do.  
  
Celeste: Sheesh.  
  
I don't need your attitude; I got one of my own.  
  
Monica: Well, I do.  
  
Adam: We know, Monica, we know.  
  
Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight; you can have it when I'm done.  
  
Sam: Yes, when I'm done.  
  
Andrew: Ok, you're done. My turn!  
  
Never fight with an ugly person…they have nothing to lose.  
  
Gloria: Last time I fight with Tess.  
  
Tess: *glares at Gloria*  
  
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.  
  
Rafael: Yeah, never underestimate us!  
  
My I.Q. test came back negative.  
  
Monica: You know…  
  
Andrew: If it's anything about me, can you keep silent? *smiles* Ok, what were you going to say?  
  
Monica: …  
  
Ociffer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!  
  
Sam: Um…  
  
Gloria: Exactly.  
  
There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree for instance.  
  
Women: Amen!  
  
I may not always be right, but I'm NEVER wrong!  
  
Celeste: Well…  
  
Adam: Celeste!  
  
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! Hate me because…well…Okay! Hate me because I'm beautiful.  
  
Women: *smile*  
  
Men: Oh brother!  
  
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it scares me.  
  
Rafael: I know.  
  
I'm not weird…I'm gifted.  
  
Tess: That's one way of putting it.  
  
I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, then I realized…oh yeah! Suicide is a crime.  
  
Gloria: Oh yeah! I did forget.  
  
Sam: *smacks forehead*  
  
Well, if I called the wrong number, why'd you answer?  
  
Celeste: Never could figure that out.  
  
I'm an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight.  
  
Monica: I don't have horns!  
  
Andrew: Maybe that's why you never had your halo on straight.  
  
Monica: *pouts*  
  
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.  
  
Rafael: That's my golden rule.  
  
Gloria: We know.  
  
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?  
  
Adam: Yes.  
  
Tess: I believe it.  
  
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?  
  
Celeste: I'll walk by again.  
  
Sam: *laughs*  
  
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?  
  
Andrew: That's wrong.  
  
Monica: Very.  
  
God created men first, 'cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece.  
  
Women: Oh yeah!  
  
Men: No!  
  
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot, than to open your mouth and prove it.  
  
Gloria: Yeah! Take a lesson Rafael.  
  
Rafael: Gloria…be quiet.  
  
Everybody's entitled to be stupid, but your abusing the privilege.  
  
All: *looks at Andrew*  
  
Andrew: What?  
  
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.  
  
Women: *frown*  
  
Men: I give up!  
  
Gloria: Ok, that's all. I ran out of quotes.  
  
All: *walk away laughing* 


End file.
